RULES OF ENGAGEMENT: HOW TO READ MY REVIEWS

Fathers, tired of going to the video or book store and not knowing if something is a dud or not? Worried Jimmy and Sally won't like the book you brought home? And what about you? Wouldn't you like to know what you are getting yourself into? Aren't you sick of sitting through soul crushing children's programming.
Well, fret no longer! Pater's Potpourri is here to lend a hand. We've done all the guess work for you! That's right, our team of highly trained individuals (namely me) have sat through uncountable hours of shitty books and movies so you don't have to. Just follow our idiot proof rating system, and take all the guess work out of your next trip to your local media center. And remember: If it's Pater's Potpourri, you know it's quality!

One beer--Throw it in the diaper bin, it's a piece of shit. Who the hell in the world just wants one beer?

Two beers--Anything with Jim Varney in it. Never admit liking it.

Three beers--You're just starting to feel something, but are left wanting more.

Four beers--Your buzzed about it and should probably add it to your collection.


Five beers--Equals a great fucking movie! Because if you need more than five drinks to finish a movie you gotta problem.