BATTLE OF THE BUTT WIPES

I think it’s safe to say we’re currently experiencing The Great Depression 2.0, and we’re all looking for ways to save a few bucks. We at Pater’s Potpourri are no exception (trust me, I’m a pretty big cheap ass), but there are times when one has to sacrifice frugality for quality. And as I’m starting to find out, baby products (my little girl is now four months old) are no exception. Observe if you will:
Say you’re at your local TARGET (WAL-MART if you live in a trailer park) looking for diapers. You go to grab the jumbo box of Pampers, when you notice the store brand diapers sitting right next to them for ½ the price. Sure, you’re strapped for cash, and there was that Wilson Phillips cd you were eyeing in the music department. So, you say fuck it, purchase the cheap diapers, pick up the Wilson Phillips cd, leave the store with a few bucks still in your pocket, and listen to Carnie Wilson (who I would still totally poke) sing her fat heart out on the way home.
You feel pretty good about yourself, when you get home, thinking about all your wise purchases, but trust me; you are about to enter a world of hurt. Fast forward a few hours, it’s 1 a.m. and you and your baby have just drifted off after your 18th chorus of Rock-a-Bye Baby. You roll over for a long winter’s nap (if you co-sleep with your infant, which I think everyone should, there is plenty on literature out there on the benefits), and find yourself face down in a steamy pile of breast milk and rice cereal based shit. DAMN YOU STORE BRAND DIAPERS!! Now, you are spending an hour cleaning baby, changing her clothes, changing the bed linen and trying to fall back asleep; all because you wanted to save a few bucks.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of places where you can cut corners: TARGET brand A&D ointment works great, TARGET brand baby powder is good (make sure to get cornstarch based, talc can cause cancer), and baby clothes are definitely cheaper than the ones at the GAP. Just see what works for you. But take my word, don’t skimp on the diapers. I’ve found Pampers Swaddlers to work best. Huggies are ok, only had a couple leaks with those. Store brands were a disaster.
As far as butt wipes go, same thing, don’t buy the store brand unless you want shit all over your hands. Surprisingly, Huggies makes the best wipes, with Pampers a close second. And if your lady breastfeeds (another thing I highly recommend, not only is it the best for the baby, it’s also free! plus breastfed shit has no odor) make sure to stick to the Medela nursing bra pads, they’re the most absorbent. Lansinoh were descent too, but we tried to save a few bucks last week and bought the Gerber, and half way through my girl’s shift yesterday she sprung a leak at work. Talk about embarrassing. She had titt milk all over her shirt!
Then again, if you wanna get “straight hood” like me, you can knock shorty up outta wed lock, then she can apply for public assistance and you don’t have to worry about shit! But that’s another lesson for another day. Peace.
Notelgge

BABY BJORN CARRIER product review

Lets face it guys, as fathers (especially new ones) there isn’t a lot out there in the way of info for us. If you don’t believe me just go to your local bookstore for proof. You’ll find a whole slew of parenting books and magazines geared towards women, and if your lucky you might find a couple of poorly written books at the bottom of the pile for men. It’s a vicious dichotomy. On one hand we have society and the media at large telling us we need to be more engaged in our children’s lives, and on the other hand they fail to give us the tools needed.
That’s why we here at Pater’s Potpourri have dedicated ourselves to bridging the gap. We promise to give you our unbiased opinions on products from diapers to dolls. So without further adieu we give you our first product review featuring,
BABY BJORN.
I’ll have to admit I was disinclined to use this thing at first. I kept having visions of yuppie scum (latte in one hand, iphone in other, Nordic baby precariously dangling in front) at the mall. And there is nothing that gets my blue-collar blood boiling faster than fucking yuppies with their bourgeois mentality. Not to mention, I thought the fucking thing look pretty dangerous and effeminate at the same time. As far as I was concerned, it was the femme fatale of baby gear. I wasn’t gonna be caught dead in one of those contraptions. But after much prodding from my baby’s mama (and I mean days), I reluctantly let her strap me in.
I felt like I was getting ready to jump out of a plane. Or go rock climbing. It was all straps and buckles. We inserted the baby and I looked in the mirror. I looked like Master Blaster from Beyond Thunderdome, with my hulking frame. I gave it a practice run around the living room, clutching my daughter tightly. I was certain the straps would fail at any second and send my baby plummeting to the earth, but nothing happened. In fact, it was the exact opposite. My daughter was securely in place and immensely enjoying it. After a few minutes all my insecurities abated. Hell, I even started to think the Bjorn accentuated my pectorals, making them look bigger and fuller. There was no denying it, I was a sexy beast!
Long story short, I fucking love this thing and find myself looking for excuses to put it on. It came at the perfect time, when my daughter was no longer content to sit in her carrier as we perused the produce section of our local grocery store. Now when we’re out and about, at the first sign of fussiness I buckle her in, and she’s thrilled with her newly found bird’s eye view of the world. So, in my book the Baby Bjorn carrier gets 5 out of 5 beers (now if they’d only make something for my latte and iphone)!