Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I suppose I could get all collegiate on your ass and tell you how Green Eggs and Ham is an allegory for big government’s intrusion into our personal lives. It starts with an annoying little imp named “Sam” (who is obviously an allusion to Uncle Sam and a member of the thought police) intruding on a citizen reading a book. This quest for knowledge, by an average citizen, undeniably threatens the powers that be. So, Sam sees fit to feed this citizen (who apparently isn’t even worthy of a name) a steaming plate of rotting meat and eggs in the place of knowledge. In an attempt to retain his sense of identity and escape this home invasion, the poor citizen flees his domicile with Sam in hot pursuit. Over the span of the next 46 pages, Sam badgers, harangues and essentially endangers the citizens life by hitting him with his car, driving him up a tree, and then onto the roof of a moving train, only to be smashed into a ship at sea. Finally, our nameless protagonist, physically and morally defeated submits and eats the rotting plate of protein. And to the disgust of any healthy minded reader, not only does our fallen hero like the putrified (in every sense of the word) meat, but he loves it! And in one fell swoop democracy dies.

"Rotten meat anyone?!"

Therefore, the undeniable lesson of this book is, one must conform to social pressure or terrible things will happen to you. And in the end, not only will you eat the rotten shit the government feeds you anyway, but you’ll like it. Hell, you’ll love it! So, essentially this book is 1984 for children. But for those of you who prefer not to read between the lines, I guess this book is about the importance of getting your kids to try new foods, because they might actually like them. Either way this is a great book for children and the fourth bestselling children's book of all time.
Pretty impressive seeing how the book only uses a combination of 50 different words, being: a, am, and, anywhere, are, be, boat, box, car, could, dark, do, eat, eggs, fox, goat, good, green, ham, here, house, I, if, in, let, like, may, me, mouse, not, on, or, rain, Sam, say, see, so, thank, that, the, them, there, they, train, tree, try, will, with, would, you, fuck. Just kidding, fuck isn’t in there, but it should be!
At any rate, every kid deserves a least one Dr. Seuss book, and I can’t find one reason why it shouldn’t be this one. As such, five out of five beers. And remember, Big Brother is watching.


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