BATTLE OF THE BUTT WIPES

I think it’s safe to say we’re currently experiencing The Great Depression 2.0, and we’re all looking for ways to save a few bucks. We at Pater’s Potpourri are no exception (trust me, I’m a pretty big cheap ass), but there are times when one has to sacrifice frugality for quality. And as I’m starting to find out, baby products (my little girl is now four months old) are no exception. Observe if you will:
Say you’re at your local TARGET (WAL-MART if you live in a trailer park) looking for diapers. You go to grab the jumbo box of Pampers, when you notice the store brand diapers sitting right next to them for ½ the price. Sure, you’re strapped for cash, and there was that Wilson Phillips cd you were eyeing in the music department. So, you say fuck it, purchase the cheap diapers, pick up the Wilson Phillips cd, leave the store with a few bucks still in your pocket, and listen to Carnie Wilson (who I would still totally poke) sing her fat heart out on the way home.
You feel pretty good about yourself, when you get home, thinking about all your wise purchases, but trust me; you are about to enter a world of hurt. Fast forward a few hours, it’s 1 a.m. and you and your baby have just drifted off after your 18th chorus of Rock-a-Bye Baby. You roll over for a long winter’s nap (if you co-sleep with your infant, which I think everyone should, there is plenty on literature out there on the benefits), and find yourself face down in a steamy pile of breast milk and rice cereal based shit. DAMN YOU STORE BRAND DIAPERS!! Now, you are spending an hour cleaning baby, changing her clothes, changing the bed linen and trying to fall back asleep; all because you wanted to save a few bucks.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of places where you can cut corners: TARGET brand A&D ointment works great, TARGET brand baby powder is good (make sure to get cornstarch based, talc can cause cancer), and baby clothes are definitely cheaper than the ones at the GAP. Just see what works for you. But take my word, don’t skimp on the diapers. I’ve found Pampers Swaddlers to work best. Huggies are ok, only had a couple leaks with those. Store brands were a disaster.
As far as butt wipes go, same thing, don’t buy the store brand unless you want shit all over your hands. Surprisingly, Huggies makes the best wipes, with Pampers a close second. And if your lady breastfeeds (another thing I highly recommend, not only is it the best for the baby, it’s also free! plus breastfed shit has no odor) make sure to stick to the Medela nursing bra pads, they’re the most absorbent. Lansinoh were descent too, but we tried to save a few bucks last week and bought the Gerber, and half way through my girl’s shift yesterday she sprung a leak at work. Talk about embarrassing. She had titt milk all over her shirt!
Then again, if you wanna get “straight hood” like me, you can knock shorty up outta wed lock, then she can apply for public assistance and you don’t have to worry about shit! But that’s another lesson for another day. Peace.
Notelgge